HOMILY: Sincere Silence
A better balm than thoughtless words
Saturday Evening Vepsers Homily by Chad M. Davis, given on 3/1/25
Seed Thoughts:
“We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the
friend of silence.” -Mother Teresa
“Sometimes one creates a dynamic impression by saying something, and sometimes one creates as significant an impression by remaining silent.” -The Dalai Lama
Scriptures:
Genesis 50:15-21 (translation by Rashi)
Now Yoseph's brothers saw that their father had died, and they said, "Perhaps Yoseph will hate us and return to us all the evil that we did to him."
So they commanded messengers to go to Yoseph, to say, "Your father commanded us before his death, saying, 'So shall you say to Yoseph, "Please, forgive now your brothers' transgression and their sin, for they did evil to you. Now please forgive the transgression of the servants of the God of your father." ' "
Yoseph wept when they spoke to him. His brothers also went and fell before him, and they said, "Behold, we are your slaves."
But Yoseph said to them, "Don't be afraid, for am I instead of God? Indeed, you intended evil against me, but God re-designed it for good, in order to bring about what is at present to keep a great populace alive. So now do not fear. I will sustain you and your small children."
And he comforted them and spoke to their hearts.
Mark 15:37-40a
Yeshua cried out with a loud voice and gave up the spirit
the veil of the temple was torn in two from the top to the bottom
When the centurion who stood by opposite him saw that he cried out like this and breathed his last he said, "Truly this man was the Son of God"
now there were also some women watching from a distance …
Intro to this Month’s Topic: Cliché Phrases
I love my kids.
Even my youngest is not afraid to say, ”Dad, that is so cringe.”
I was not allowed that type of freedom growing up, because my parents interpreted it as rebellious or disrespectful or not honoring. Yet honestly, most of the time he’s right.
But what does he mean by, “Cringe?” Well he means that it does not seem true; it sounds made up to support a belief or position.
Fabricated. Made up. A short cut. Unauthentic. Dishonest. Cliche.
Seriously, this kid is challenging his father? Yes, he is.
So maybe I have to surrender my claim to authority to hear his spoken truth. Regardless, I have to be humble and hear what he is saying, not how he is saying it. He is unafraid to point out cliches, bias, stereotypes, and overall dumb things I say. And this month of Adar (March in the Roman-Greko calendar) the homilies of Saturday night are about the dumb things we have heard coming out of other Christian’s mouths and sometimes out of our own mouths.
I will be honest, these homilies may step on your toes. They might cause irritation.
It is not the speaker’s intention to hurt or offend, but if you are irritated or offended, it is a you thing. You are choosing to feel that way. We often hold tight to catch phrases and cliches and defend them to the utmost. Why? Because they give a short-cut of saying something when we feel “compelled” to and do not want to think deeply about what to say. Even more so when we are convinced that they are scripture.
As you might already know, I was raised in the church. There was a cringe saying I heard all the time in the churches of my upbringing. It is, “Chapter and verse, chapter and verse.” (Not in the Bible) This was code speak for the use of a phrase that sounds like truth, better have a Bible verse verbatim backing it up to verify it is truth. The argument is circular and therefore nonsensical because they were using an interpretation of a translation of a translation, without any context as to whom the audience was and why they were being addressed. The cliche “Chapter and Verse” was a cloaked way of saying, “There better be a verse for that statement somewhere in the Bible. And if there is, it better be the right version! And the ‘only right version of the Bible, is the King James Version’.” How cringe is that?
Let us go back to school and quickly re-take Critical Thinking 101. Somewhere in Junior high we should have been taught the 5Ws and an H. Remember? Who. What. Where. When. Why. and How.
These questions are the building blocks of how to authentically make an argument, how to challenge a position, how to prove something as true, and how to defend your position. Throughout Adar (March), the speakers will use some or all of the 5Ws and an H to challenge the catch phrases or cliches that exit our mouths or enter our ears.
Hang on. Buckle up. And put on your steel toe boots. This might be unpleasant.
Homily:
This week, I am addressing the phrase, “Man (or Satan) meant it for evil, but G_d meant it for good.” And it’s sub-phrases such as:
G_d doesn’t give us more than we can handle
G_d allows everything for a purpose OR everything happens for a reason.
All things work together for good
Let us examine the when (or context) of the catch phrase, “Man meant it for evil, but G_d meant it for good.” In our Genesis reading, Yoseph, second only to the Pharaoh of Egypt, addresses his starving refugee brothers who had previously:
beat him, stripped him, threw him in a pit, and then rescued him only to sell him into chattel slavery.
He says, “Indeed, you intended evil against me, but G_d re-designed it for good, in order to bring about what is at present to keep a great populace alive.” Yoseph acknowledged his brother’s wickedness. With faith he spoke that G_d re-designed that wickness into salvation for his father’s entire family. These verses are about a very specific series of events that led to the greater good of a family. These verses should not be considered as an universal law as to how G_d works. That consideration is taking those verses completely out of context. They were words for that time and that place in that moment of history. They were a statement to Yoseph’s brothers about the evil they did against him, not a theological statement to build beliefs upon as to how G_d works.
Let us go deeper.
What Yoseph is not saying is that G_d compelled his brothers to do evil things. Nor is he saying that the evil things his brothers did are good. He does not absolve them from their wickedness towards him. Evil is evil. Yoseph did not call it good. G_d does not call it good. Therefore evil cannot be good. We should not call it good. What Yoseph meant is similar to what Paul wrote in Romans 8, that although evil things happen, G_d can bring good from them, and still accomplish His goal and purposes in our lives despite the evil. But even in that statement there is no guarantee. This is not math or science.
In having a life of faith, we cannot count our proper beliefs or our rituals as motivators for G_d to, everytime, bring good from evil. Evil is evil. Horrific things happen. And sometimes all G_d does is silently sit with us in our misery. What? Sometimes G_d only sits with us in our time of loss? Yep, sometimes that is all he does. He identifies with us and is silent with us. Think Yoseph’s or Paul’s time in prison.
Let me provide a cringe example concerning saying “good into evil.” I have a friend who unexpectedly lost her husband leaving her a widow, leaving his children unexpectedly fatherless, and leaving his business on the brink of collapse. So what should I say to her? Do I tell her, “All things work for good?” “G_d means this for good?” Honestly, there is no good in losing the love of your life, in losing the father of your children, or in possibly becoming destitute. But why do I feel compelled to say something?
Because I am uncomfortable, and if I say something I feel like I have done something to help by fulfilling my Christian obligation to, “Shine the light of Christ.” But sincerely, all I have done is make her situation about me and my feelings. How incredibly thoughtless, selfish, and rude.
Here’s another cringe example. I have another friend who unexpectedly lost her husband just after losing her son. What do I say to her? “G_d does not give you more than you can handle; He’ll turn this sad situation into something good?” Seriously?
She just buried her son. Now her husband? No - that is indeed too much to handle, period. It is overwhelming. It is not good. And for me to say G_d gave that to her - that is an insult to both G_d and her. Again, incredibly thoughtless, selfish, and rude. Her profound loss is hers. I have to respect that and be thoughtful in words.
With both examples, these wonderful women do not need cliches or catch phrases. They need a person to silently sit with them, someone to absorb some of their pain, someone to identify with their loss. Jewish tradition calls this “shiva.” Often the best you can do is to sit shiva with the person. Shut your mouth and say nothing. Identity with them by simply holding their hand. Absorb some of their pain because they have too much of it. In fact, they are overwhelmed by it. Do not take the shortcut and say something stupid or cliche.
Be. Be with them. As with our Gospel reading, be any of the women who identified with the Messiah as he died. They said nothing, but were with him as he died. They watched the man who changed their life, die. He saw them … he knew what they were doing with him ... dying with him. They could have said something, heck, many things, but instead they just stood silent identifying with him.
In conclusion, the evil we live through is sometimes never re-designed into good. Life is often filled with more than we can handle. Life is indiscriminately and equally - hard. Sometimes evil, horrible, and tragic things happen. Despite that, most get through it, some give honor to G_d, some do not. Irregularly, like Yoseph, G_d sometimes re-designs the evil for good. Sometimes not. So instead of saying something cliche, stop making the situation about you and your feelings.
Shut up. Sit down. And be with the person who sits shiva with them. Be an honest representation of the women who watched their beloved Messiah die. Sincere silence is a better balm than thoughtless words. As we enter Lent later this month, consider giving up catch phrases and cliches, opt for well thought out words or better yet silence.
Song for Thought: